SEX JOKE LOLZ! …Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let me explain what this game actually is. Half-Minute Hero is bizarre, and I say that lovingly. I’ve never played a game quite like it, and for that reason, it’s actually a bit difficult to explain in a way that makes any sort of logical sense. Perhaps you should watch this trailer to get some sort of grip on the situation. Go ahead… I’ll wait.
Five Things: Half-Minute Hero
Five Things: Lunar: Silver Star Harmony
Lunar is another one of those series I never actually got around to playing when it was actually released. Thankfully, though, Sony seems to have decided that nostalgia is an awesome market to be tapped, and between the PSP re-releases of things I either never played in the first place (Lunar, the original Persona) or am willing to re-buy (the Final Fantasy ports, Persona 3) and the plethora of titles on PSN that fall into the same categories (Metal Gear Solid and Resident Evil for the former and Final Fantasy VII and VIII for the latter… are we sensing a trend here?), they are getting an awful lot of money out of big dumb consumer whores like me who can’t help feeling like they missed out the first time around. Where was I going with this? Oh right, Lunar. The reason I don’t really have a problem with Sony’s business model here is that a lot of these games are quite good, and are super-tough to find outside of the ported versions. Try, for example, going to Amazon or eBay and looking up the PS1 versions of Lunar and Persona. Ouch. Now, if you really want to feel phantom pain in your wallet, check out the sequels. Now click on buy on that sealed copy of Persona 2. Now put in your credit card number. Now ship it to our P.O. Box….. er, anyway, LUNAR. It’s a very good game, and it’s a pain in the ass to find without a port, so the port is a good thing. That’s what I was going for there. Continue reading →
Five Things: God of War
I know what you’re thinking right now, and it is this: ZOMG HOW HAVE YOU NOT PLAYED GOD OF WAR UNTIL NOW KRATOS IS MADE OF EPIC WIN AND ALSO THERE ARE BOOBS!! ….well, you may not be thinking precisely that, but I bet it’s relatively close. And I admit, the fact that the first two God of War games have somehow slipped through my hacking and slashing clutches for so long was a secret shame of mine. The release of the third game this year gave me the perfect excuse to step back in time a bit to try and catch up on the series, and the fact that the first two installments are now available on one shiny PS3 disc just made it all the easier. I wouldn’t want to miss any of the subtle story nuances by skipping straight to the third game, would I? Of course not.
Five Things: Silent Hill: Shattered Memories
I played Silent Hill: Shattered Memories on the PS2, months after it had already been released on the Wii, because I didn’t want to deal with waggle controls. This is a common theme with me, and demonstrates my overwhelming apathy (bordering, in fact, on antipathy) regarding the new generation of motion-sensitive gaming; Kinect and Move may be wonderful creations for some people, but…. well, can I just have a controller, please? In fact, most of the reviews that I read and comments that I heard about SHSM were, in comparison to most other waggle control-enabled Wii games and pretty much ALL third-party titles in the same category, practically glowing. I don’t regret my choice, but I do find it interesting that, of all the bazillion and five titles third parties have dumped on the Wii since its release, one of the few to get it right is a survival-horror game, which doesn’t exactly target their core demographic of soccer moms and five-year-olds. As I said, though, I played this game for the PS2, so the discussion is purely academic, and doesn’t really affect my Five Things…. I just thought it was interesting. Continue reading →
Five Things: Cake Mania 2
As I write this, my fevered brain is attempting to cook itself inside my skull, so I really can’t be held accountable for anything that doesn’t make sense… like the fact that I am following through on my promise to write a column about Cake Mania 2. As a spiritual successor to the ridiculously popular Diner Dash titles, Cake Mania continues in the grand tradition of games that have you running around a confined space trying to please increasingly cranky and demanding customers by giving them whatever they want. Sounds like pretty much every job I’ve ever had…
Five Things: Mass Effect 2
I know, I know, it took me a really long time to get back to an Adult game (although really, Alan Wake counts, so shut up). I totally missed the boat on the first Mass Effect for a long time, only procuring a copy when the second one was imminent so that I would know what the hell was going on when I inevitably caved to peer pressure and played that too. What can I say? I’m totally a sucker for hype. I lean more towards JRPGs than those in the “western” style; this is a fact that is as well documented as it is unpopular within my circle of friends and acquaintances. However, I am completely able to appreciate a good open-ended storyline-based game when it’s worth it, and if any games are worth it, they’re the Mass Effect series. And KotOR, but we’re not talking about that right now. Anyway, read on to find out Five Things a confirmed JRPGer thinks about all this. Also, herein be spoilers, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Five Things: Alan Wake
Right, so I’m cheating a bit. I do have quite the list of completed games that I need to catch up on here, but I just finished Alan Wake, and I’m itching to write about it while the whole thing is still fresh. Anyway, this is MY column! I do what I want! /belligerent
Alan Wake, AKA The Game of Eternal Development Time, is a bit difficult to put an accurate plot synopsis to in a sentence or so, but I’ll give it a try: a popular writer takes a vacation with his wife in a rustic mountain town, where she disappears under mysterious circumstances. Creepiness ensues. There is, however, quite a bit more to it than that, which I can hopefully shed some light on (see what I did there?) with these Five Things.
Five Things: Pokemon SoulSilver
I’ve played a lot of Pokemon games, but I’ve never actually made it all the way through one. What usually ends up happening is that I start playing, think “THIS IS SO AWESOME,” then get bored and meander off to do something else in about two hours. I don’t know why this has generally been the case, as the Pokemon series, on paper, is perfect for me; it combines my love of JRPGs with my bordering-on-OCD completionism and my love of cute shit. Regardless of why I never latched onto the series before now, however, I attacked Pokemon SoulSilver with a vengeance. Many players cite the original Gold and Silver versions (upon which, of course, these remakes are based) as the best, so perhaps that’s why I found such a newfound appreciation for them. Regardless of the reasons, though, I had a great time with this game, and I’m ready to discuss five things about it. I should note before I get started that I imagine most of these observations will be equally valid for HeartGold, but I actually did play SoulSilver. I don’t know why, either; I just went with instinct.
